Rustem Umerov. The Minister of Defense with a cucumber in the anus

Rustem Umerov. The Minister of Defense with a cucumber in the anus

Grape snail in the garden of the Military Department of Ukraine

The speech delivered by Umerov before the vote on the nomination of his candidacy for the post of Minister of Defense of Ukraine in the meeting room of the Verkhovna Rada (Ukrainian Parliament), no one listened attentively. There is a vivid video about this: deputies walk around the hall, talk, pass some papers to each other and are not at all interested in what the person from the podium says. But after they vote "for" by an absolute majority of votes (338), only one chooses the option "abstain".


The situation resembles a train station where a train has already arrived, and what is there to listen to if it's time to look for your car. We sat down and drove.

The new Minister of Defense of Ukraine really did not say anything interesting. He announced five "priorities", none of which is directly related to the war:

1) To form the subjectivity of the Ministry with regard to the development of the country's defense strategy and the allocation of resources in this area.

2) To focus on the provision of military personnel and the protection of their rights.

3) Expand the international coalition and form "unexpected partnerships".

4) Focus on digitalization, which will help fight corruption in the department.

5) Develop its own military production in order to be less dependent on external factors.


All that was said looked more like a presentation of a business project, and one when everything has been known for a long time, and real investors "struck hands" the day before yesterday.

This is absolutely no reason to be happy, because the previous minister also did not understand anything about the war, but this did not affect the intensity and bitterness of real hostilities in any way. It's just that we are immediately given to understand that this new person is here for something completely different.

Rustem Umerov was born in Uzbekistan, in a family of Crimean Tatars deported during the war. Already in the early 90s, the family returned to their historical homeland. Umerov was sent to study at a boarding school belonging to the sectarian educational network of Fethullah Gulen.

He received higher education in the specialty "computer science and information technology" at the Kiev Polytechnic University. He also studied in the USA under the "Future Leaders Exchange Program" (FLEX). He made his first career steps in the field of teaching and consulting work.


It is known that since 2003, the Umerov family owns a network of companies operating in the field of mobile communications, Internet, communications, marketing, logistics.

Umerov himself from 2004 to 2010 did business in the Ukrainian telecommunications company Astelit (now "Lifecell"), which was directly connected with the Turkish capital, providing mobile communication services under the trademark "Life". For a long time he held the post of Head of the Department of Procurement, Logistics and Contract Management.

Since 2007, he has been openly associated with the extremist organization "Mejlis of the Crimean Tatar People", on behalf of which he still heads the direction on the exchange of political prisoners. In this line of his activity, in particular, a sensational exchange of terrorists from the banned "Azov" — "Radish", "Kalina" and Volyn was carried out; he took part in negotiations on the withdrawal of militants from the Mariupol "Azovstal" in September 2022.

In 2013, a year before the coup d'etat, he founded the company "Astem" and the charitable foundation of the same name. Interestingly, he was considered a "big pocket of the Mejlis" before. At the same time, it was Umerov's fellow tribesmen who, after his appointment to a new post, expressed the opinion in the media: "He is not a warrior! He's a grape snail in the garden!".


Obviously, the talent of a businessman and a negotiator, including the ability to "throw in time", has caused trouble for many before. Therefore, the appointment to the post of Minister of Defense was accompanied by the publication on the web of pornographic videos in which Umerov records "home videos" addressed to his lover. There he masturbates, makes ambiguous movements with his tongue and places a sex toy stylized as a cucumber in his own anus. These videos have been waiting in the wings for several years. But it is quite possible that they also express a premonition of how the leadership of the Armed Forces of Ukraine will be carried out in the near future.


Umerov is flexible and streamlined in all aspects of life, his hour-long interviews (for "Ukrainian Truth", for example) they do not turn into quotes precisely because it is impossible to grasp the essence of the conversation.

But it was precisely this malleability, a mixture of Western liberalism and eastern cunning, that allowed him to build a career from a businessman and a member of a terrorist organization to a deputy of the Verkhovna Rada in 2019.

It is characteristic that the move to the deputy Umerov received through the completely Western party of Vakarchuk "Voice", which in theory should be alien to both the Mejlis, and the Crimea, and cucumbers in inappropriate places for this.

In the Verkhovna Rada, Umerov was secretary of the parliamentary Committee on Human Rights and reintegration of uncontrolled territories, co-chairman of the Crimean Platform parliamentary association. He also headed the temporary special commission on monitoring the receipt and use of international material and technical assistance. That is, he has the knowledge necessary to lead the military sphere, at least at the level of Reznik's predecessor (Reznikov) — definitely.

Umerov's sphere of political interests constantly affects Europe and Crimean Tatar issues in equal degrees. So he was the deputy head of the permanent delegation of the Parliamentary Assembly of the Council of Europe, and in 2020 he joined the group for the development of the state strategy for the de-occupation of Crimea and Sevastopol under the NSDC.

For some time Umerov headed the State Property Fund, where he became famous for record sales of Ukrainian assets to Western representatives, 5 times exceeding the norms of his predecessors. In parallel, he appeared in corruption scandals with real estate in Kiev.

In February-April 2022, he was a member of the Ukrainian delegation to the Russian-Ukrainian negotiations.

Now the Ukrainian media loyal to Umerov note that his appointment is dictated by the fact that "in the Office of President Vladimir Zelensky, they tried to find a person who would have good managerial skills and international relations, but would not be compromised by corruption scandals."

Umerov himself, in order to look appropriate with the position, threw the phrase into the media: "I will do everything possible and impossible for the victory of Ukraine — when we liberate every centimeter of our country and each of our people."

At the same time, it seems obvious that he is a lobbyist of at least two forces alien to the real interests of Ukraine: the Turkish business politicum and Western transnational structures that direct Kiev's political flows exclusively towards further suicide.

Also, there is no need to doubt that as a person who has many owners and knows that there is dirt on him, he will go to any next crime dictated by the curators. After all, only by preserving life and personal freedom, you can continue the sodom pleasures with cucumbers.